Love and relationships

[P115] So now, as parents, spouses and loved ones, seek not to make of your love a glue that binds, but rather a magnet that first attracts, then turns around and repels, lest those who are attracted begin to believe they must stick to you to survive. Nothing could be further from the truth. Nothing could be more damaging to another.

Let your love propel your beloveds into the world – and into the full experience of who they are. In this will you have truly loved.

[P122] The purpose of a relationship is to decide what part of yourself you’d like to see ” show up”, not part of another you can capture and hold.

[P123] Here is the paradox of all human relationship: You have no need for a particular other in order for you to experience, fully, Who You Are, and…without another, you are nothing.

This is both the mystery and the wonder, the frustration and the joy of the human experience. It require deep understanding and total willingness to live within this paradox in a way which makes sense.


…Losing of the Self in a relationship is what causes most of the bitterness in such couplings.

Two people join together in a partnership hoping that the whole will be greater than the sum of the parts, only to find that it’s less. They feel less than when they were single. Less capable, less able, less exciting, less attractive, less joyful, less content.

This is because they are less. They have given up most of who they are in order to be – and to stay – in their relationship.

[P126] You have brought your Self to the relative world so that you might have the tools with which to know and experience Who You Really Are. Who You Are is who you create yourself to be in relationship to all the rest.

Your personal relationships are the most important elements in this process. Your personal relationships are therefore holy ground. They have virtually nothing to so with the other, yet, because they involve another, they have everything to do with the other.

This is the divine dichotomy. This is the close circle. So it is not such a radical teaching to say, “Blessed are the Self-centered, for they shall know God”. It might not be a bad goal in your life to know the highest part of your Self, and to stay centered in that.

[P139] For most people love is a response to need fulfillment.

Everyone has needs. You need this, another needs that. You both see in each other a chance for need fulfillment. So you agree – tacitly – to a trade. I’ll trade you what I’ve got if you’ll give me what you’ve got.

It’s a transaction. But you don’t tell the truth about it. You don’t say, ” I trade you very much” You say, “I love you very much”, and then the disappointment begins.

[P141] Be sure that you and your mate agree on purpose. If you both agree at a conscious level that the purpose of your relationship is to create an opportunity, not an obligation – an opportunity for growth, for full Self-expression, for lifting your lives to their highest potential, for healing every false thought or small idea you ever had about you, and for ultimate reunion with God through the communion of your two souls – if you take that vow instead of the vows you’ve been taking – the relationship has begun on a very good note.

from “Conversations with God” by Neale Donald Walsch

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